Under the Influence

I've been thinking a lot lately about how other people's energies and intentions can affect one's own personality and actions. John Friedlander and Gloria Hemshe state that energies other than one's own, no matter how strong or well-meaning, are detrimental. Our own spirit is obscured, and unnecessary emotions such as guilt or hesitation are much more likely to happen. The method suggested for ridding oneself of unwanted energy is simple enough, however: Friedlander and Hemshe suggest going into a meditative state, picturing the person whose energy your returning, and just focus on their energy going out of you into them, and your own trapped energy coming back.

I haven't practiced the technique much yet, so I can't personally vouch for it, but I'm going to try it with one person for a few days and see if anything feels different. But whether you believe that visualizing something as abstract as energy is a load of bull shit or not, it is an interesting concept to think about. How much can one person possibly impact another without being consciously aware about it?

The best personal example I can think of would be my mom. There are times when I can almost feel her nagging at me for some random thing or another when she's not around. Sometimes it does seem like there's some kind of foreign force trying to implement its own ideas on me.

There are also times when I can feel myself almost mentally forcing my own desires on people around me. If a person I'm close with pisses me off or does something I think doesn't make sense, it's like I'm overflowing with the desire to change what they're doing and make them understand everything from my point of view. I have difficulty getting past my own perspective, and even if I don't say a word, I'm willing change in my mind. There's no concrete evidence that these feelings subconsciously alter the person's future actions, but I think that it is a possibility.

For now, I'm trying to be aware of when I could be potentially letting my own thoughts or energy interfere with another. Every individual has their own thought processes, beliefs, and emotions that make up the essence of who they are. Screwing around with someone on that level isn't spiritually healthy for either person. I don't entirely comprehend the whole concept, but it's an idea I want to play around with for a while and see what I can accomplish.

Stoner Movie Review: The Brave Little Toaster

When I was little, my brothers and I used to love Disney's The Brave Little Toaster. For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, it's about a bunch of old appliances left at a summer home that has just been sold. They reminisce about their master, an eight year-old boy. They decide than rather sit around the old house and hope for the best, they travel to the city to find him!

I recently downloaded the movie so I could watch it again. It's been many years, and I could only remember random bits of plot line and song (it wouldn't be a Disney classic if it wasn't a musical!). I decided it was time to revisit some beloved childhood moments from a different point of view.

I was not disappointed.

First of all, the characters are awesome just because they're talking appliances. Blankie tends to get annoying since he is interpreted as a whiny-ass child, but is still lovable. You may find yourself wondering if the toaster is supposed to have a gender, however. While all the other characters have definite male/female voices or characteristics, the toaster does not. It was voiced by a woman, but that doesn't necessarily matter in animation.

The plot line has its fair share of continuity issues and oddness but is full of adventure. Our characters face many challenges: dark forests, dangerous waterfalls, a parts mechanic, city streets, thunder storms, and a junk yard with a pissed off electro-magnet. Just about anything that could possibly pose a threat to electric appliances can be found in this movie.

These adventures lead to a lot of scenes that can throw you off just because of the sheer triposity that abounds. We're talking about things like the toaster having a nightmare about being chased by a clown throwing forks and dangling over a full bathtub. Or the air-conditioner flipping out and exploding. Or a flower falling in love with its own reflection. Counting the "what the hell" moments would probably make a good drinking game...

There are a surprising amount of frightening scenes for a kid's movie. Watching it again, I'm kind of surprised that I enjoyed it so much as a child. I mean, I was a straight-up wimp. Sid from Toy Story scared me. I refused to watch it for quite some time, but I'm digressing).

Take the scene at the parts store. Here, our beloved household appliances are found by a very rotund man and taken to his shop, which is depicted as a place of horrors. Here, other broken or abandoned appliances are maliciously torn apart and sold. Even though this would be very scary for something like a radio or a vacuum cleaner, the way it's depicted could easily scare a weak-bladdered six-year old. You don't actually see the guy take a blender apart. Instead, dramatic music plays. You see sinister shadows on the wall, course hands are ripping cords and dismembering plastic. Other appliances look on in horror and shield their eyes!

Again, this is just one scene.

But I would hate to sound like I am complaining. While the heart-warming tale of adventure and catchy little songs made it a great movie when I was little, the intense and trippy moments make it awesome now. The Brave Little Toaster is a wonderful stoner movie that I greatly recommend.

Further Explaniation

I've received some feedback from several different sources telling me that I don't really understand Christianity. I know this is based off of the post from a couple of days ago. I want to state that even though I did go to a really sucky-ass church, I have been to really great ones too. I know from personal experience what it's like to feel joy and peace through worship and reading the bible. It's a faith that can be wonderful to certain individuals. I was just pointing out that there is also a "dark side" to the religion that I couldn't keep ignoring. I know every faith has their downfalls and weak points. What happened was someone asked me to share my own ideas about a specific aspect of Christianity, and I did.

Spirituality is personal. I'm not the only one to integrate methods from multiple faiths and experiment, and I won't be the last. Other people are going through the same thing. I'm just using this spot on the internet to throw in my own ideas. They will not be the most scholarly opinions. They will not be the most novel revelations. They will be whatever comes from my heart or head, depending on what mood I'm in that day.

I wasn't putting a thrash-down on a whole group of worshipers. I wasn't undermining anyone's faith. Now stop telling me what I understand and what I don't.

Consistency

So last February I started this whole diet/exercise thing. I dropped down a pants size and soon started feeling a hell of a lot healthier. Today I had pop tarts for lunch and worked out for the first time in two weeks. Inconsistent exercise is better than none, right?

I wish I could say that this is not a normal life pattern, but I have to admit that it is. I get really into something and then I just stop. I could be in shape, have better writing skills, and progress a lot further spiritually if I learned to focus. Being able to have the desire and willpower to continuously better myself is currently one of my greatest challenges.

What makes this situation particularly frustrating is that I'm talking about stuff I enjoy doing. I like writing and expressing my ideas, even if they aren't shared. Playing DDR is super awesome fun. Meditation makes me feel more connected to the earth and keeps me evened out. Yet I struggle with doing these kind of things on a daily basis. What the hell. I need to be more passionate about my passions.

Explaining Myself

I was asked a couple of questions via Facebook. Here are the paraphrased questions and the unabridged version of the answer. :)


Why do you find Christianity constraining? What constitutes your more open beliefs?

First of all, I find that Christianity is constraining because it rejects all other faith structures. It claims to be the only way to eternal happiness, and that all others are destined to hell. This means that every event in one's life ultimately doesn't matter: the spirit is either going to heaven or it is not. Even if someone never heard the name "Jesus" uttered in his entire life, the only righteous destiny is everlasting torments. This viewpoint was always one I had difficulty adapting -- it was too unfair to feel just.

Because its followers (once including myself) are convinced they are doing the only correct thing, experimenting with another faith's practices becomes taboo. This mindset makes relating to another culture's mythology, beliefs, and spiritual traditions challenging. Opportunities for self-exploration and connecting with a diverse group of people are diminished, disabling a lot of life experiences. This seems to be a huge waste of potential that any benevolent creator would not approve of. If humans are meant to have a free will, then they should be able to have complete independence in their spiritual lives without fear of damnation.

Biblical principles set the foundation for a Christian community that is intended to be inviting and spiritually refreshing, but the church (overall) has failed to create this atmosphere. I have personally experienced the power an "independent bible-believing" church has over the spiritual and emotional heath of its members. The preacher would speak of the great attributes the church had while constantly condemning its members over trifling habits (like Wednesday prayer group attendance), or ranted about the lack of control modern parents had over children while his own son sat in a jail cell.

I know this is only one example, and there are wonderful church communities that exist, but I no longer want to be part of something that enables this kind of thing to happen. On an individual level, Christianity can bring peace and hope, while encouraging a kind and loving lifestyle. People who have achieved this and found happiness should feel no need to stop practicing their faith. But as a spiritual force, Christianity has brought war, hatred, needless guilt, and torturing self-doubt. I've ignored thoughts and arguments like these all my life until I took control of my own spirituality.

I consider myself more open today because I recognize that not one religious system can possibly be right for every person that's ever existed. No matter what the beliefs, there will be a group that feels oppressed and dissatisfied. Feelings like curiosity, ambivalence, lust, and creativity are natural and universal. Saying that basic human instinct is sinful, especially if it is causing no harm, does not make sense. If one perceives the sacred as something other than the God described in the bible, they should not be considered a heretic. The creative spirit can express much more than "holy holy holy is our God," so why should it be restrained?

Right now, I prefer an individual focus. I want to explore myself spiritually and find out what I'm capable of. I want to hear what others have to say about the sacred instead of imposing my view on others. Accomplishing these things is possible within the Christian scope, but it doesn't feel right anymore. I want to stop worrying about pleasing a higher being and just appreciate life for what it is without fear or guilt.

Following Directions

One somewhat obvious thing I've been realizing: following directions, even the little details, can be really helpful. For example, when doing meditation, a lot of sources will give tips like "don't have a light source directly in front of you" or "sit with your back straight." And sometimes I won't pay attention or get lazy, and that's when I don't get good results. People write down stuff for a reason. It helps.

Of course, there will be exceptions every once in a while. If worrying whether you have the exact right posture will distract you, then give yourself some breathing room. Otherwise, just listen.

Incense is Nifty

First, it's budget friendly. You can buy a shit ton of incense dirt cheap from the mall. If you can get it from the freakin' mall cheap, that's something. We're talking about the place that demands eighty dollars for jeans and four fifty for some juice.

Second, it's practical. I like having a good smelling room, and incense makes that happen quickly. It also comes in handy for covering the scent of *other* things I may be burning. ;)

But most importantly, it creates an ambiance that's just pleasant to be in. The smell of incense coupled with the visual of flickering candles is relaxing, especially if you're trying to cultivate an atmosphere of meditation. Using the right smell can trigger different memories, moods, or mindsets (pardon my alliteration) that enables one to shut off their conscious chatter for a while and ground themselves a hell of a lot easier.

It's also fairly common knowledge that good scents attract good entities. If you're into things like invoking spirits, burning incense helps ensure that you're not inviting anything malicious. Seriously, if you want to call on some really bad ass demons (not something I would personally try or recommend), be prepared to burn some fecal matter to entice them. Bleh.

My mom, on the other hand, can't stand the smell of incense. Hmm.

Amusement

Another topic stressed in the book I'm reading is being in a state of amusement when practicing things. That means keeping your mind open to whatever can come up next and maintaining a playful point of view. This is important because being really stressed or taking everything too seriously triggers different chemicals in the brain that inhibits personal growth.

I think being too serious is one of the things that has prohibited me from spiritual growth so far. I've been way too logical in my search. Instead of seeking out something that fits me personally, I've put too much emphasis on finding the truth and nothing else. The problem is, not one man-made faith has found every single answer beyond reasonable doubt. The best I can do is keep looking until something "clicks" with me on a deeper level. If it feels right to me, then that is what I'm supposed to be following.

I know this isn't a new revelation: a lot of people have discovered a little truth in many faiths while never finding something entirely correct in just one. It's still an important realization to make, nonetheless.

The more I think about it, the more having a playful attitude when doing soul searching makes sense. By now, it's obvious to me that humanity as a whole is not supposed to know the meaning of life. We're here for a purpose, but we're the ones who have to figure it out. What better way to experiment than through play? Every single human has latent abilities far beyond the scope of their consciousness. Taking time out of the day to have some alone time and see what you can accomplish is just fun. It's also good practice for if/when you do need the skills you've developed someday. :)

Being Grounded

I've recently finished reading a book about psychic development (It's called, naturally, "Basic Psychic Development") and it's a pretty interesting read. It's a system developed by John Friedlander and Gloria Hemsher and it's broken down by relationships (with the earth, self, others, and "God of heart"). It focuses on the development of chakras, auras, and energy, and it was a pretty interesting read.

Now that I've read it through, I'm going to start practicing some of the techniques. Right now, I'm only interested in the first half of the book (earth and self), but it would be nice to be able to develop enough ability to help others and explore what lies beyond me. The first thing it teaches is how to ground oneself: sending negative, unwanted, and/or excess energy into the earth and being able to take in fresh energy. I know a lot of people think this kind of thing is bullshit, but it's worth a try, or at least some research.

My biggest problem so far is just being able to focus long enough to meditate properly. I downloaded some Buddhist chants, and that really helps, especially with the sound of traffic constantly going by. >.<>

Words of Introduction

Hello, blogosphere. My name is Audrey. Pleased to meet you.

Let's have some background story.

I was raised a good Christian, mostly by my dad and grandmother with reinforcement from friends and church. I was an awkward chubby child with a family going through some weird/bad situations, but it could have been much much worse. Faith pulled me through.

Now I am a slightly less awkward and chubby nineteen year old trying to figure this shit out. In the past five years, I have evolved from an aspiring missionary with lofty college goals to a college dropout who can do no better than look to the sky and ask "What the hell?" This was not a sudden change, as some may believe, but a very long soul-searching process that is still going full-force. There are many little details, but that would be too lengthy of a post. Perhaps some other time.

Now my plans include moving out and going to tech school for respiratory therapy. This may not seem like the first career choice with the smoking and all, but I like a little bit of irony. It beats sitting in a cocoon of pot for twenty years.

Those commercials have gotten a lot more entertaining in the past six months...

Well, I was inspired to start a blog but I think this is where I ran out.