Further Explaniation

I've received some feedback from several different sources telling me that I don't really understand Christianity. I know this is based off of the post from a couple of days ago. I want to state that even though I did go to a really sucky-ass church, I have been to really great ones too. I know from personal experience what it's like to feel joy and peace through worship and reading the bible. It's a faith that can be wonderful to certain individuals. I was just pointing out that there is also a "dark side" to the religion that I couldn't keep ignoring. I know every faith has their downfalls and weak points. What happened was someone asked me to share my own ideas about a specific aspect of Christianity, and I did.

Spirituality is personal. I'm not the only one to integrate methods from multiple faiths and experiment, and I won't be the last. Other people are going through the same thing. I'm just using this spot on the internet to throw in my own ideas. They will not be the most scholarly opinions. They will not be the most novel revelations. They will be whatever comes from my heart or head, depending on what mood I'm in that day.

I wasn't putting a thrash-down on a whole group of worshipers. I wasn't undermining anyone's faith. Now stop telling me what I understand and what I don't.

Explaining Myself

I was asked a couple of questions via Facebook. Here are the paraphrased questions and the unabridged version of the answer. :)


Why do you find Christianity constraining? What constitutes your more open beliefs?

First of all, I find that Christianity is constraining because it rejects all other faith structures. It claims to be the only way to eternal happiness, and that all others are destined to hell. This means that every event in one's life ultimately doesn't matter: the spirit is either going to heaven or it is not. Even if someone never heard the name "Jesus" uttered in his entire life, the only righteous destiny is everlasting torments. This viewpoint was always one I had difficulty adapting -- it was too unfair to feel just.

Because its followers (once including myself) are convinced they are doing the only correct thing, experimenting with another faith's practices becomes taboo. This mindset makes relating to another culture's mythology, beliefs, and spiritual traditions challenging. Opportunities for self-exploration and connecting with a diverse group of people are diminished, disabling a lot of life experiences. This seems to be a huge waste of potential that any benevolent creator would not approve of. If humans are meant to have a free will, then they should be able to have complete independence in their spiritual lives without fear of damnation.

Biblical principles set the foundation for a Christian community that is intended to be inviting and spiritually refreshing, but the church (overall) has failed to create this atmosphere. I have personally experienced the power an "independent bible-believing" church has over the spiritual and emotional heath of its members. The preacher would speak of the great attributes the church had while constantly condemning its members over trifling habits (like Wednesday prayer group attendance), or ranted about the lack of control modern parents had over children while his own son sat in a jail cell.

I know this is only one example, and there are wonderful church communities that exist, but I no longer want to be part of something that enables this kind of thing to happen. On an individual level, Christianity can bring peace and hope, while encouraging a kind and loving lifestyle. People who have achieved this and found happiness should feel no need to stop practicing their faith. But as a spiritual force, Christianity has brought war, hatred, needless guilt, and torturing self-doubt. I've ignored thoughts and arguments like these all my life until I took control of my own spirituality.

I consider myself more open today because I recognize that not one religious system can possibly be right for every person that's ever existed. No matter what the beliefs, there will be a group that feels oppressed and dissatisfied. Feelings like curiosity, ambivalence, lust, and creativity are natural and universal. Saying that basic human instinct is sinful, especially if it is causing no harm, does not make sense. If one perceives the sacred as something other than the God described in the bible, they should not be considered a heretic. The creative spirit can express much more than "holy holy holy is our God," so why should it be restrained?

Right now, I prefer an individual focus. I want to explore myself spiritually and find out what I'm capable of. I want to hear what others have to say about the sacred instead of imposing my view on others. Accomplishing these things is possible within the Christian scope, but it doesn't feel right anymore. I want to stop worrying about pleasing a higher being and just appreciate life for what it is without fear or guilt.

Words of Introduction

Hello, blogosphere. My name is Audrey. Pleased to meet you.

Let's have some background story.

I was raised a good Christian, mostly by my dad and grandmother with reinforcement from friends and church. I was an awkward chubby child with a family going through some weird/bad situations, but it could have been much much worse. Faith pulled me through.

Now I am a slightly less awkward and chubby nineteen year old trying to figure this shit out. In the past five years, I have evolved from an aspiring missionary with lofty college goals to a college dropout who can do no better than look to the sky and ask "What the hell?" This was not a sudden change, as some may believe, but a very long soul-searching process that is still going full-force. There are many little details, but that would be too lengthy of a post. Perhaps some other time.

Now my plans include moving out and going to tech school for respiratory therapy. This may not seem like the first career choice with the smoking and all, but I like a little bit of irony. It beats sitting in a cocoon of pot for twenty years.

Those commercials have gotten a lot more entertaining in the past six months...

Well, I was inspired to start a blog but I think this is where I ran out.